| (no subject) |
[Dec. 19th, 2004|08:51 pm] |
food is bad.
im not allowed to purge anymore. well i can but i guess im choosing not to.i know i would feel so guilty. my boyfriend knows. it was the biggest mistake telling him. i want to throw up whenever i want. he doesn't understand that i hate food. i hate having food in my body. its just plain gross. anyways i am going to try to fast from now on instead of binging. i figure if i cant ger rid of the food in my body then i just wont put any in my body. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2004|06:36 pm] |
i havent posted ina while.anyways my goal was ot be 120 by thanksgiving and im 121 right now. so im hoping that tonight i can drop a pound and in the morning all will be well. then 115 by christmas
tomorrow is going to be hell. not only am i going TWO thanksgiving dinners but my boyfriend will be at one and i already know he'll be an ass and ask me to eat becuase he knows about my eating habits. and the other night he called me anorexic because i was talking to him about my friend that is. then he went on to say that he knows i throw up. but i dont know how he would know that. i havent said anything about it. and when i do it at his house im always so careful.
i have decided i am going on a three day fast the day after thanksgiving and tomorrow i will not eat until dinner tomorrow.anyone is welcome to join me on the fast i could use the support.. i have planned to eat 1/2 cup of mashed potatoes no gravy, 2 thin slices of turkey, a small slice of pumpkin pie and maybe 1/4 cup of vegetables if im still hungry.. im so worried that i will gain weight tomorrow. that would kill me.
im liking the way my weight loose is coming along. im still eating because i was having trouble functioning in school. andways i would eat a plain chicken sandwich at school then come home and at 5:30 i would eat a piece of fruit so my mom would see me eating. then i tell her that i go out to eat after school so i miss dinner. its nice that way. my stomach is looking flatter and so are my thighs! yay that was my problem area. but my love handles still need some work. i have started being a little more active. and i really think i will 115 for christmas,
so heres my plan:
115 my christmas
no eating tomorrow until dinner
only eating pumpkin pie, turkey, and masked potatoes
fasting three days after
only eating a chicken sandwich and a piece of fruit hopefully everyday until christmas.
anyone is welcome to join me on any of these goals. i could use the support. just comment |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2004|03:20 pm] |
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i an giving up red meat.im so proud of myself. its a good start. well my goal is still 120 by thanksgiving. and im doing good. well not good but better than before whcich is good. my boyfriend talks to the girl he hooked up with when we were broken up. i told him it hurts my feelings but he still does it. it kills me. blah |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2004|10:38 am] |
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yesterday was bad. ug. im so aggrevated with myself. i just cant seem to saty away from food. well my mom bought me a lot fo water bottles yesterday. so today i figure ill eat lunch(200 cals) and then just feel up on wat er the rest of the day. and for lunch i was figuring maybe a soup and some vegetable., that should be good. i just want to be skinny. so bad. i hate looking in the mirror and being sad. i have recently become obsessed with mary kate. her body is just so perfect.i think i am going to start doing competition cheer so that will be a good work out. i like going to school so much. it just occupys my time. and then homework occupies my time. its nice. um no one comments. its depressing |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2004|09:18 am] |
my goals are 120 by thanksgiving
then 115 by christmas
and 110 by my birthday feb. 17 yes its a long time but i'll probably mess up.
i have already had 3 french toast sticks today(160) so i figure ill do 200 today and ill just try to keep sticking to that.
i feel drained. my emotions are blah and my body feels dead. i dont know what to do. well ihave a four day weekedn which means a lot of staying home. so i know ill be tempted to eat but i have to occupy myself
today:
-clean the whole house
-do a little gardening
-walk my dog come back home and walk my moms beagle
-i rented some movies to watch
-and i have a project for science
that should occupy a majority of my time. then im hopefully going to see either my boyfriend or my friend at 6 till like 12 so that im is taken care of.
i really want to be thin. more than i have ever wanted anything. but i have seemed to lost all self control. yesterday was just bad. ew i tired to binge but it didn't work. which was really weird.
i just wish i could hide in my room forever yes that would be nice. very nice |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2004|03:50 pm] |
tomorrow is monday. and i will not eat this whole week. i just cant. i dont want to get fat.
tonight will be a busy night
-i will clean my room and wash all my laundry. i will wash my sheets. dust everything in my room. clean. everything has to be clean.
-then i will shower. and nice hot shower. i will wash my hair very good and scrub myself becasue i cant be dirty. i will be clean.
-then im going to floss my teeth, brush my teeth, and gargle.
-i will brush my hair and wash my face. then i will do my homework and get my clothes ready for tomorrow.
-i will call my boyfriend, then write in my journal. then i will go to bed at 10.
tonight will be a busy night. but everything must be perfect for tomorrow. and tomorrow i wont eat. tomorrow will be a nice day. and my body will be clean because it wont have any food in it. and im excited. i am looking foward to tomorrow. i have been doing a lot of research and it helps to know that other peple have control becasue if they do then i can. i will eat friday and maybe sunday. because i need energy for the weekend. but not a lot. maybe an apple or some tuna. that would be nice. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 31st, 2004|06:05 pm] |
wow i havent updated in so long. its crazy
my boyfriend broke up with me and my weight dropped drastically. it caused me so much emotional pain i didn't even want to eat. i dont know how much i weigh now . but i know its a lot less because a lot of pants that used to be tight on me are no baggy. but everyone is so worried. and people are finally noticing my weight loss. even my teachers. its nice. everyone is like omg its looks like you have lost 10 pounds in the past week. all i have been eating is one thing a day. like a cookie or an apple. and mostly i occupy myself with school. if i never eat again i will be happy. i told my ex boyfriend i was anorexic but im not. i eat just not a lot. and i didn't meant to say it. it just slipped out in the midst of crying to him. im sick of food. its a great feeling |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2004|12:31 pm] |
300 cals a day. i will be 110 by halloween.
i gardened today which is good. and im going to work out later.
so im going back on birth control. which is good but also bad. i dont want to gain any weight from it.
im so depressed. its disgusts me. i dont even have control over my emotions.
lets see . today i have had a diet coke. and thats it so far. hopefully i wont eat much more. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 22nd, 2004|06:59 pm] |
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i ate my refrig. and pantry today. it was disguting. i threw it up. and i just broke down in tears afterwards. i dont know why. i have no self control. tomorrows a new day and hopefully i will eat 3 things. a pear, chicken noodle soup, and a cucumber. nothing more. i swear on everything i will stick to my diet. god i wish i had someone standing by me making sure id ont eat anything extra. i want to weigh myself. but i spent my $100 allowence already and my mom wont by me one so i have to wait till this friday. i am so disappionted, |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2004|09:56 am] |
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i haven't weighed myself in like a week. but i feel thinner which is good. hopefully i look and am thinner. i think i'll weight myself today. i really need to start drinking more water. like 5 bottles a day. anways i decided to start sacred heart tomorrow. i really hope it works. i have been meaning to start it but i always forget what i need. so i prinited it out and went to the grocery store yesterday and got what i needed. i have been so sad lately its terrible. well i got this little journal yesterday and im going to write down everything i eat. i wanted to post some pictures but my digital camera is like broken. well hopefully tomorrow is a good day. and today im fasting |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 17th, 2004|04:08 pm] |
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today has been such a shitty day. i just feel bad. for nothing. well i woke up. and i wasn't running late or anything. but my cousin decides to pick me up fro school 10 minutes earlier. so i wasn't ready so i had to have my mom take me to school. then school was ok. except for lunch. i hate lunch! mostly because i have no friends. like i have some friends but they are seniors and always go off campus. and then i have my boyfriend and i love him to death and all. but i just want to hang out with girls for once.. i dont want to have to worry who am i going to hang out with if hes not at school or what if he has to do something then i will be alone. and i have on friend i could hang out with but im not friends with her friends. so it would be akward. i just want all my friends back. seriously that would make school so much better. then i just got sad and felt like bursting into tears for no reason. stupid, i know. but i got over that. ya. and my bodies in so much pain right now. i cant even explain it. and i was supposed to hang out with my boyfriend but no. so now im staying home alone friday night. ill just take some benadryl and pass out until tomorrow. i know thats bad. but i just really dont care anymore.omg im in so much pain. i feel like my whole body is going to fall apart. i dont know whats wrong! i want to talk to someone really bad. god i wish i had friends. and i used all my 300 calories today so hopefully i wont go over. i have to occupy myself away from eating. i have to!i refuse to not lose any weight this week. i am going to be 110 or 115 by halloween. thats my goal! and i have thrown up three times in the past two weeks. thats bad for me. i haet throwing up so much. er. i done. im just really frustated, bored, alone, angry just everything right now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 16th, 2004|09:47 pm] |
ok tomorrow im eating
an apple for breakfast
a cucumber with lemon and salt for lunch
and then 1/2 a can of chicken noodle soup for dinner. thats like 160 cals which is good. i better stick to it. or ill kick myself int he head. im such a cow. i tried ona pair of jeans and they looked so terrible. i just sat in bed and cried, i will be skiny. no matter what |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2004|11:45 pm] |
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so i have kind of mentioned to three of my friends about my weight loss. but only one know to the extent of which i have gone to lose weight.but they all think that i have a problem and im too skiiny. but im not oo skinny. im 5;7 120 pounds. thats fat that should be gone. ok maybe i obsess a little over my weight. but i dont obsess over apperance. i eman i throw up ahir my everyday, my makeup is alwasy terrible. andi alwasy look terrible. i think maybe my eating is my obsession. im always counting cals, fat, how much i need to work out, when ill weigh myself etc. its starnge i never cared before. i really didn't i used to go out to eat evryday. and now im lying to my friends boyfriend and family about what im eating. how sad. i went to mcdonals with my friedn and her mom and i got ahppy meal. it was the only thing that didn't seem suspicious. but then my friend was like you havent ate today. and i told her i went off cmapus for lunch. how terrible is that. i mean im lying about what i ate. i just want to be skinny though. and im willing to do anything to do it. i hung out with my friends today and i ate half a bag of small chips. then u just went and threw it up inthe bathroom at the grocery store. like nothign. bt im throwing up food just so i wont gain weight. i exercise when my moms sleeping so she wont see me. she already thinks im look skinnier. wow im obsessed. but its not a problem. is it? anyone expercincing the same feelings? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 14th, 2004|03:23 pm] |
ok so i started my diet yesterday and i as doing really good. but then at like 9 i got really hungry so i had some spanish rice and 10 chips with salsa. so i ended up eating 500 cals yesterday when i only should have had 300. i was so dissappionted. well today i have had an apple and a can of tuna. so like 200 cals. and for dinner either chicken noodle soup(80) or a baked potatoe(100)
well my thursday morning i should have lost a pound so i have to weight myself. but im hanging out with my boyfriend all of thursday and he makes me eat. hopefully i can just eat some chicken noddle soup and some crackers while im there.
i hope everyone is doing good on there dieting. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 13th, 2004|11:02 am] |
ok i have come upwith a diet plan. i wont go into to detail. but its 300 calories day. and i should lsoe 1 pound every 3 days. it consists of 2 snack and one small meal. plus 1 and half hours fo working out. ithinkits going towork well i hope so.
if anyone wants o try it with me just im:ALMOST X THIN and ill give you the details |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2004|12:04 pm] |
ok im starting my fast right. its 12 pm. im going to go till tuesday. then im going to start sacred heart. i hope it works,
i feel like i have lost all self control this week. not juts with dieting but with school, friends, my boyfriend, and my emotions. i have been crying to bad lately. to the point where i can barely breathe.
well i really need some support so if anyone wants to talk just im me at almost x thin. im practically always online.
i want to know how everyone is doing with their dieting.
i havent weighed myself in like a week. i just cant even stadn to look at a scale or a mirrow. but i started working out again which is good. i feel so low. and i have no one to talk to. im alone and its obvious. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2004|04:49 pm] |
oh wow most defineltey a bad day. i ate so terrible i dont know what came over me. i threw it up but not till like 30 minutes later. i feel like such a cow now. im in tears. i dont know where all ym self control went.
well tomorrow im starting the sacred heart diet. i hope it works.
yea im going to go do homework and continue crying |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2004|08:49 pm] |
ok i have two weeks to lose 7 pounds. such a long time. its so possible. but i ate like a pig today because my unlce came down from texas and i had no choice. tomorrow im so fasting, i want to go till sunday. everytime i fast and i start to fast longer which is good. its totally increases my self control.
i weight 117 and all along i thought i weight 120-125. my scale at school is god.
anyways i made a new screen name. almost x thin. people please im me. i need support and i love giving it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 7th, 2004|10:38 pm] |
ok what i ate:
muffin :200
diet coke:0
spagehetti(sp)i was with my bf i had no choice:200
total:400
so i most definetley burned that off. er i had the most extreme work out today. i wont say what though.
i got into the habit of writing my goal weight on the inside of my wrist. so everytime i want to eat i just look at it and put the food down. i think i did good today. i just want to loose all my weight. i had to put towels over my mirrors because everytime i look at them i get so sad. i just burst into tears. its terrible. im such a cow its disgusting. i dont understand how anyone could say im skinny. i feel like its a big game and everyones just lying. i cant imagine being like 200 pounds or even 150. thats how my sister is. and it doesn't seem to bother her. it amazes me that someone can just not even care about their weight. when its practically the only thing i think about. thats so sad. seriously eating is overrated. eh i cant believe i eat. i think my self contorl is getting better, well i hope you.
theres no better feeling than thin |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2004|02:43 pm] |
oh wow. i lost 5 pounds since the 28th. im so happy.
lets see today i cleaned for 5 hours. and i drank a sprite. but i havent ate anything.
im getting good to this self controll stuff. its great.
well i hope everyone is doing good on their dieting.
my friend invited me to starbucks and movie. before i remembered that i cant go to starbucks. way too many cals. err. i hate having bad memory,
stats:
height:5'7
cw:120
hw:135
sgw:115
lgw:110
just ten more pounds, im hoping i can take it off in a month.any tips? i so badly want to be skinny |
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almost_thin's journal